A Future to See Through
by TwinMoons
Summary: A short, pointless vignette on Lucca's thoughts about Crono and Marle, and why she chose to run an orphanage.


**A Future to See Through**

Because I watched, everything hurt on the inside. Because I saw. 

I knew him long before she ever did, since we were children laughing together in the sun-kissed fields, a long time ago. Other children wouldn't laugh with us, because we were different from them even back then, me and my inventions and him with his almost perpetual silence. So it was left to us two to laugh together and to cry together. Like when my mother lost her ability to walk. I remembered him walking up behind a crying myself and touched my shoulders, his hands shaking. He was sobbing, too. We were both very young. I had hoped we would stay like that---the two of us, together. Of course, it was miraculously remedied---though we had to outwit Time itself for it to happen. Or, technically, for it to _never_ happen.

And then one day, she appeared.

I had nothing against her. In fact, Marle or rather, Princess Nadia, is one of the best people I ever met and have been honored to call her friend. I had relatively few of that. She saw through everything...his perkiness hidden under the silence, my own inconfidence hidden under my boasts. And she understood. Marle, as sudden as she entered our lives, became a cherished person for us. Maybe it was because she was like us in some respects. The Princess Nadia was out of place in her home, her true self shadowed by the mantle of her blood. Everyday since then was a rollercoaster ride of excitement, terror, shock, and other feelings that I've ran out of adjectives for. The only thing that I'm absolutely positive about it all was that it was amazing. Unbelievable. And that I'll treasure it to the end of my days.

Yet, why did I feel hollow every single time Marle visited? Why should I feel empty when a friend as dear to me as a thousand tomorrows came by to say hello? Why should pain twist inside of me every time their eyes meet? Crono was Marle's friend as same as I. Why?

Because I watched. And I saw.

Crono's foolish, dopey grin used to be only mine. His eyes used to be on me only. His plans and pranks used to be shared with me only. But now that Marle appeared, it was hers as well. Everything that used to be mine only was hers as well. I'm happy that she was there, a friend that I can trust and rely upon. Someone I could laugh together with, finally. Yet for a few times, in a mere moment's distraction, I wished she weren't there. I and Crono was enough. I don't need Marle. I don't _want_ Marle. All my life that was what I wanted, the future I wished I could make, and once she appeared I didn't know what to do with the path extending before me.

And then I knew how ugly I truly was.

So I wondered why I ever came to Guardia Castle's annual ball. Because Marle invited me? Partly. Because Crono would come as well? Partly. Because of something I couldn't put my finger on? Well, that too. Because of a feeling of impending doom? Certainly yes. And that maybe the reason why I spent half the evening alone, with my feelings and my thoughts for company. I didn't even hear when the two of them announced the plans for the future, or when the king confirmed who would take the place on the throne after him. They would tell me later, but I already knew. My eyes told me enough. Their eyes told me enough. I didn't need to go listen to something that I know would be said anyway. And so I sat, alone with my feelings. I supposed I was meant to be like that for the rest of my days, with everything locked up inside me, hidden where no one could ever pry into. Crono and Marle were too dear to me otherwise. I would keep it a secret, forever and forever, until I bear it with me into the grave. That way we could continue to laugh and cry together.

I wonder if, centuries after this day, Robo would ever see my grave and remember me? And would he, closest to me in our adventures, understand my secret heart? The answer, it seemed, was written in the lamplight in a corridor beyond the reaches of years. After I was long dead and forgotten, at least, Time would remember me and my feelings if not Robo. And it would keep it as much a secret as I ever would.

"Lucca!"

I turned at his voice calling my name. I always did, unless a 'great project' was miring me and my thoughts. I turned, and saw. They ran toward me, looking half insanely happy and half disappointed, and I knew what they were going to say. They were my dearest friends after all.

"Where were you? I looked all over the party for you!"

"Why are you here alone, Lucca? We were so looking forward to pulling the surprise on you!"  
  
I feigned a puzzled look. It was no surprise for me. "What do you mean by that, Marle?"

And so they told me of their future plans, all smiling and blushing like any young couple would. It hurt inside. I twisted inside. Yet I forced a laugh and a congratulation through, hugging them through my tears, which they would see as happiness. No. They would not know. Even if I have to outwit Time again, they would not know.

When we were done with the laughter, both of them sat down beside me and Crono asked his question. "What about you, Lucca? What do you plan to do?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. Keep inventing I guess, and then..."

My words left hanging in the air, something in Crono's eagerly listening face struck. The memories of us, outcast by the others and playing by ourselves, surfaced. Magus---or rather, Janus, and his story followed. That was when I know what I would do after all. Maybe if the future I wished for was impossible, then I might help some who lost their own find it again. That way, my own might be found, in time.

"...I'm thinking of starting an orphanage." 


End file.
